when writing fails

I haven't blogged in the longest time. I seemed to have lost my "writer's touch", so to speak. And now, I'm left in that tiny space between wanting and not wanting to speak out my mind.

I used to think that writing was my best friend. That it could help me get through all of my aches, and pains, and tears, and sorrow. And yes, it did. For a while. But now, with all of the things that's been going on, with him about to leave, with work about to be even more stressful that it already is, and with me getting rejected over and over and over, writing seems to not be enough anymore.

I used to blab about everything there can be blabbed about and it usually doesn't take an hour to do it. Words scream in my head begging for me to type fast enough so they can be read already. Ideas flow like river flowing into the huge ocean. Nonstop. Surging. Fast. Fluid.


Now, things just seem to stop mid sentence.

I search for ideas. I search for the right words. But all of these efforts seem to be in vain.

Is this what they call a "writer's block"? If it is, how does one get through it? How do you transcend something when the reason for it is even far more difficult to get a hold of than the actual problem? I'm stuck in a limbo I don't know how to get out of and what's worse is I think I might've put myself there.

Writing has now become hard. And sometimes, I think it's failing me.

My journal's been empty for months. My blog's been about the nonsense things no one really wants to read about.

It's ending.

My writing career is ending even before it began. So what to do? What do I do? Continue writing I guess. And hope someday, I get out of this hellhole and find myself something worth writing about.

xoxo

~hny~