The Light From Frozen Graves: A Repost

 

"But I just want to stop feeling."

"As far as I can tell, there's only one way to stop feeling and that's to die."

"That seems a bit drastic."

"It is drastic. Perhaps the most drastic thing there is. There are other ways to kill feelings, like drinking a lot or working hard, constantly, pushing those around you as far away as possible until there's no way for you to reach out to them but ultimately, the only way to completely stop feeling, forever, is to die."

"I'm not sure I'm ready for that."

"Good. You'll be a better person for it."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that the most interesting, amazing people I've ever met, the ones who influenced and shaped the universe itself, are the ones that felt too much but lived through it."

"That sounds hard."

"It is. It involves living."

 : A repost from I Wrote This For You

Life and Death

Let's face it. We see death all around us and we are either too scared we ignore it or too wound up we overemphasize it. Either way, it's not really living.

I'm not saying that I've lived a full life, because frankly, I'm not sure if I've lived it to the fullest, but looking back, I can say that, yes, I do have regrets (I mean, who doesn't right?), but generally, I'm quite happy with how my life has turned out and with how my past and present has shaped itself to be. I'm still keeping my fingers crossed for the future to be the best that it can be. =D

Moving on, what I'm getting to in this blog is that, in my line of work, we see death more often than the average person that it becomes almost a "monotony" to a point. And it's the worst feeling one could ever have. Because who want's to feel numb with death facing you in the face? Nobody wants that. I'm pretty sure my patients and their families don't.

Penny for My Thoughts

In life, we don't always get what we want. But we do get what we need. That has been a line that's been passed down from several generations ago and I've tried researching who the originator of that line is, but all to no avail (as is the case for most "words to live by" we encounter daily). But regardless of who that was, it's interesting how selfless he got. How much of the world and that of beyond he sees that he is able to grasp the concept of just getting what you need and then being contented with it.

As humans, we aspire to have a lot of things. We want. Always want. Sometimes, greedily. Getting it and then wanting even more, always not having enough. I'm not sure if you can call that human nature, but if you want to, then so be it.

Quit Complaining

In the last month that I've lived here in New Zealand, I've noticed how much I have complained and got depressed about my situation. I keep saying things about being homesick, being lonely, feeling isolated, and generally just being unhappy. I have an insecure side I just can't seem to rectify. And then, one day, someone told me this: "You have got something others could only dream of having." And that got me thinking straight.

A year ago, I could only hope my application pushes through with little obstacles. I could only dream of being able to travel and experience these "greener pastures" everyone's been raving about. I, too, was complaining then. Of how unappreciated I was at my job and how unhappy I was with my place in life. And then, the good news came, and finally, after a lot of hard work, I got to be here. To be able to step forward and start realizing my dreams of the future.

Dannevirke - Week 1

Notice how my movement in New Zealand has been from a populated area -Auckland-, to a lesser populated area -Palmerston  North-, to a barely populated area -Dannevirke-. Funny, actually. It's like, I'm being sent to a place with less and less people everytime. Tsk.

Anyway, my first week here in Dannevirke hasn't been as eventful as one would think. Yes, its a new place to explore, but well, with Dannevirke's size, there really isn't much to explore. And because of a lack of public transportation, being in Dannevirke has limited me to either being at the rest home where I work, being at home, or at New World for some emergency shopping needs. And that's about it.

It's funny how much I've changed in just a couple of weeks. 4 weeks ago, I never would've thought I'd muster enough courage to ask someone I haven't met yet to give me a ride to work. And yet, somehow, I did just that. Crazy how this place changes you.

Marae: Experiencing the Maori Culture

One of the most unexpected moments I've had since I've arrived (let's face it, I've had this a lot for a while now) was being able to go to a Marae and getting to experience a day in the life of a Maori tribe.

For some bits of information, just so we are on the same page, let's get some definitions of these words in (I know they sound foreign). A marae "is a communal or sacred place that serves religious and social purposes in Polynesian societies" (wikipedia.org). And Maori is the general term used for native New Zealand tribes or people. A marae is typically a small unit of the Maori community that houses a particular Maori tribe (or at least lets put it in that sense just so we understand each other).

Now that we've got that straightened out, let me get on to my story-telling.

Palmerston North - Week 2

It hasn't been long since I've been here and I feel like I've been here forever. Yep, that's how I feel. It's been tough, and though my first few days have been great, the next ones were tougher than I expected.

Here's the story of my 2nd week in the land of wind and rain.

Palmerston North.

Monday to Thursday

15th-18th October 2012

Palmerston North - Week 1

Sunday, 7th October, 2012

As I said in Auckland - City of Sails Day 2, I arrived to a freakishly cold, barren, ghost-town-like Palmerston North. Not a very good first impression, I thought to myself. But as I had no other choice, I braved the winds, the 2-degree Celsius temperature, and the constant chills I began to exhibit and made my way to my homestay. By this time, I had Elbert (boyfie who so kindly accompanied me in my long journey toward Palmy) and Ishi (roommate who I met in the bus terminal about half an hour after I arrived so I had some company with me to battle the unforgiving cold night air. =D

Auckland - City of Sails Day 2

So it's taken a while before this blog...been quite busy these days. Lotsa things to do in school, and lotsa things to adjust to in a new land. =D Anyway, as outlined in my previous blog, I've just spent my first day in Auckland. First day in a new country EVER, and it was one helluva day. =D

Here's the story of my second day...

Auckland, New Zealand: Day 2

So I woke up to a really warm bed, courtesy of Demi Luv's heated bed (cool aye? =D), and immediately went to preparing for Mark's birthday celebration. What a way to start my first few days here in NZ, right? Thought so too! =D

Auckland - City of Sails Day 1

I was waiting for when I could get hold of my camera but lo and behold, it'll be another week before that happens and it'll be too late to make this blog by then so what the hell. :)

So here's finally my blog about my adventures in New Zealand. This'll be a several-part blog, designed to divide my activities in Auckland and Palmerston. :)

So. AUCKLAND.

Arrival

Arrived at the Auckland International Airport at around 12-something pm. Immigration went smoothly which was great luck. Heard of stories otherwise. Went out of the gate expecting boyfie, Elbert, and his friends greet me only to find myself surrounded by huge white people. Knowing you're going to a white country and then totally seeing it for yourself is totally different.

Open Letter to My Family

So I'm leaving Cebu 5 hours from now. I'm not leaving for good, of course, but since this will be the longest and farthest we'll be from each other, I'm writing this blog entry as my personal tribute to my beloved family, who's been with me through thick and thin. And because I will miss them. So much.

09302012

Dear Family,

I've made you cards which I placed on my top dresser so if you could just read them all personally, I would really appreciate it. There are just some things I can't write here. :)

Sweet, Stormy Escape

Since I'll be MIA for the next few months - I'm hoping it's only months, not years - I took a little trip down our little, cozy island to bid my "hi's" and "bye's" to some of my super extended family members. It wasn't as bittersweet as I hoped it'd be, owing I guess to my already being MIA for the past years. However, this short little trip reminded me of my upbringing and kept me even more deeply rooted to the ground that I've been standing on for the past number of years of my existence. It was a humbling experience.

Left for Leyte at around 9pm of Sept. 21, 2012 and arrived around 3am the following day. Of course, I didn't get much sleep since sleeping on a boat was rather uncomfortable so I busied myself with reading. A lot of reading. But I kept surprising myself at how I've gradually developed a sort of immunity to sleepless nights - probably since I've had lots of these in the past decade and a half. It was somehow comforting finding myself still well rested despite the barely 2-hour sleep that I've gotten in almost 36 hours.

Yuumei

Music is my life. Art, my passion. A combination of these two? Just pure bliss.

Since I'm almost always on the internet, majority of the time I spend there, if not watching some drama or variety show for laughs, I spend searching for beautiful art and music. I'm a sucker for great photography, impeccable artistry, and soul-numbing music. I'm always amazed by how creative the minds of people are. They transcend our current reality and transport us into another world.

I stumbled across this particular artist on a social networking site. http://yuumei.deviantart.com/

Three's A Company

Most friends we make in highschool, we lose contact with as we grow up. At least that's what I was told. I guess I'm one of the lucky few who still have 'em.

This is another one of those unplanned bonding sessions. Unplanned because, well, we really didn't plan anything. We just sort of let our feet take us to where we were going. More fun that way, don't you think?

[Unplanned] Itinerary:

1. Have Lunch.

Begin and End in Laughter

When all else fails, laugh. The hardships get easier and life gets better.

A Two Year Journey

On a certain day in July, 2010, four silent souls entered the realm of CHH 6B in the hopes of learning valuable lessons from the then seniors of the station. A month later, their journey through fire, ice, and everything in between began. These four souls eventually grew up noisy and boisterous but yet confident and well, skillful (enough) to become seniors in their own respective rights.

Two years later, one of the four eventually ended the contract and left in search of her own future. Because she is thankful and grateful despite all the hell she's been through, she decided to relay her niceties in her blog. =)

The Vampire Hunter

Mr. President. The Vampire Hunter. Now wouldn't that be cool? Eh? Not.

For another one of those somehow-getting-frequent spontaneous girl's day out with my bestie, we decided to have ourselves some movietime. =D

Took a quick (and really cold) shower, a little food to sustain me self for the travel, and off I was in a cab speeding towards SM under the rainy downpour of Cebu. Met up with Chibon, lots of chikkas happened, lotsa laughs and window shopping, a little time over the ATM for some greens and then more chikka moments in Flame It for an early dinner. Finally, movietime. =D Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. =D

Keep The Faith

I'm not very much of an optimist and since my last great effort to be one of the world's few positivist, I have since gone downhill from there. I realized, scrolling through my posts especially in my alternate blog Confessions of the Caged,that my blogs have been arbitrarily depressive. It's an "emo" blog so to speak and it's not very healthy, for me or the occasional passers-by. So to keep from going deeper into my melancholic subconscious, here's my last ditch attempt to keep the fire burning.

Let's all stay positive people! Nothing can be overcome with negativity. There's hope as long as we're alive. =)

Kyle's 14th

Today was my cousin, Kyle's birthday. As is tradition in our family, a family dinner is always done, of course separate from all the other birthday dinners the celebrant is to attend. ^^

For today, we attended mass (a must especially on a birthday) and headed to the mall after. This was beginning to be a pattern these past years. But nonetheless, it's fun. It's always fun with the family. It doesn't matter what place we go to, or what thing we do, the company makes it all better. Sort of. ^^ On the good days. hahaha ^^

When it Rains

It's the 31st of May, 2012. It's my day off. And it's raining.

I am not writing this blog with a specific thought in mind. I just want to keep someone posted as to my whereabouts and happenings.

Right now, I'm in the bedroom, on my sister's bed, cradling the laptop and listening to the sound of raindrops falling outside. It's been raining heavily for a couple of days now. Quite a big change from the striking heat we experienced the entire summer. With this strong rain though, I betcha it won't take long before people start missing the heat and the dry roads.