In the Midst of My Confusion

Legacy. If there's ever anything I worry about the most, it's if I ever left my mark in this world. I never really thought of it consciously before, but since I began this somewhat moronic vacation leave with no apparent reason, I've been given time (too much time) to think about what I've done, what I'll be doing, what I might be doing, and what I did not do.

Then I got to thinking, if ever, for some reason, I drop dead this instant, even as I'm writing this blog, would people remember me? If they did, what would they remember me by? Did I do something worthwhile? Did I do something that would stand the test of time? Would I live in the hearts of those I touched? Or was there ever anyone whose lives I touched? If somehow I suddenly left this reality, would people be able to carry my spirit on? Would my legacy continue to shine? Or have I even left a legacy to begin with?

Light at the End of the Tunnel

The time of the great depression is now over. That melancholic state which I exaggerated for probably a bit too  much is now at its end. I think.

The Bridge We Must Cross

It hasn't been my half-a-year. I've been depressed a number of times. More than I've ever been before. The unknown future, the uncertainty of it all, and just everything that's been going on has been a struggle. It's a struggle I've been fighting with barely a sight of hope at the end.

Of course, that's all primarily because I have this pessimistic side I just can't seem to let go of. I try to be as optimistic as I can but there's always that nagging feeling of "what if's" hanging behind my head. I'm not sure why. Partly coz that's how I'm wired. Maybe.

words.

DAY 251 11062011

Seriously, my mind's numb right about now. That word splashed on the screen pretty much took everything...every effort, every drop of sweat, tear, blood...just everything.